When the Lunch Thief Leaves the Building

Hello Lunchtime Victims,

Subject: When the Lunch Thief Leaves the Building

Yes, it was me. I devoured that suspiciously delicious leftover pasta on a stressful Tuesday. Forgive me, for the stomach wants what the stomach wants. As I depart, I vow never again to commit such culinary misdeeds.

From potluck surprises to group hunger pangs at 2 p.m., you all have been the best lunchmates. I’ll miss your scolding looks and your unwavering generosity (read: labeling your lunches with flaming skull warnings). Keep the fridge free of mutant Tupperware, and bon appétit!

Hungrily signing off,
[Your Name]